Swine Flu Festival 2009 is Done (?)

DAMN YOU MATT LAUER, I'LL CHASE YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!

Hey, remember when there was a deadly global pandemic/snoutbreak of H1N1 Swine AIDS and then everyone died, but then they actually didn't? No? That's okay, we don't either. It sure is hard to pay attention to or care about anything for longer than 30 seconds these days, what, with all the Twitters and 24 hour news cycles and such grinding your consciousness to a numb pulp. Anyways on to the next thing, right? Let's see, today's top headline on CNN is, I'm not even joking, "Obama Administration Jumps into Twitterverse". Damn it all, it's like we don't even have to try anymore with the Twitter jokes.

All jokes aside, there are still active cases of Swine Flu, and as with any virus, shit could still get real at any time. As of today, there only have been 642 documented cases and 2 deaths in the U.S. You can get a detailed breakdown of that info here, at the CDC's H1N1 Myspace page. The WHO reports that 23 countries across the world have reported 1893 cases. 942 of those cases were in Mexico, including 29 deaths. That sucks, Mexico! LAY OFF THE CARNITAS, MEXICAN BROS! That stuff sure is good, though...

Anyways, I guess PS Swine Flu coverage is basically done, since it's the most boring pandemic EVER. If anything H1N1-related develops though, check our Twitter first for the most up to date Swine-News. HA PSYCH WE DON'T DO THAT. But really, we will probably blog about it.

WARNING: Twitter Will Kill You With Swine Flu

APORKALYPSE NOW!

What is Twitter? I don't know from personal experience, but I've heard that it is something on the Internet where people post random things and then make random comments about other people's random things. And then they all pleasure each other anally. Apparently, since the "outbreak" of "Swine Flu" (otherwise known as BACON LUNG), people have been just cold freakin' out on Twitter about it and randomly stringing together words that may or may not form complete sentences. The result is a lot of misinformation about Swine Flu emanating from Twitter, not unlike the stink lines that come out of poop in cartoons. So basically, if you get Swine Flu, it's because Twitter, the end. This is certainly not a feather in the cap of the Internet's darling micro-blogging site. It is, however, a feather in the cap of this macro-blog, because - ummmm - Twitter is stupid?

This one goes out to a very special planet...

"Earth (my favorite planet)" by woodleywonderworks

Earth! What's up! It's your day!

Yesterday, not so much. Sorry about that, but it's hard to aim for a garbage can when I'm speeding down the freeway in my Hummer. Especially since I can't roll down the windows and waste the air-conditioning that I have to blast! to the max! since it's getting hotter and hotter every year. Ha ha, global warming.

Anyway, I promise not to throw my styrofoam out the window, or my cigarettes, or the gasoline tanks that take up precious room in my awesome Hummer. Today is about you! It's the day to recycle! Even toilet paper! Literally, the sky's the limit, according to chemists. No hairspray in an aerosol can for me!

Actually, I figured out that while my carbon footprint is over twice the average in the world, for an American, I'm doing pretty good! My carbon emissions level is half the level of the average American, in fact! Find out yours, and what you can do to lower it, by using the Carbon Footprint Calculator.

Praise "Science Machine"

This great science-related video has been gathering fame on the internets, and for good reason. This video should be watched full screen in its HD glory. It contains the following science-related things: 

sea creatures

cats

pollution

the solar system

tsunamis

and many more...

The music track is "We Carry On" by Portishead off their eerie 2008 album, "Third"

Don't Fear the Reaper

Godzilla does not fear the reaper. You should not either.

Okay, so Halloween may not be the most Scientific of holidays (are any holidays that Scientific, really?), but we still love it. We hope all of you people have some wicked fun plans and costumes. I can personally assure you that at least one PS editor is going to be blacking the fuck out experimenting with time travel this evening.

In the meantime, here is a scary Halloween tale of how the zombie apocalypse was narrowly averted (postponed?) once upon a time in 1994. It goes something like this: A barely alive Gloria Ramirez shambles into an emergency room in Riverside, CA with an extremely low heart rate and advanced breakdown of numerous internal systems. Nurses and doctors on the scene report strange smells emanating from Ramirez' body as well as a strange oily sheen upon her skin. Upon drawing blood, a nurse sees strange particles floating in the syringe, takes a smell, and faints. No one is quite sure what happened after this, other than the fact that multiple others lost consciousness and the ER was evacuated and sealed. 45 minutes later, Ramirez was reported dead from kidney failure related to cervical cancer, but its more likely that she succumbed after taking a shotgun blast to the face or being decapitated by an axe at the hands of a courageous-doctor-turned-zombie-slayer who first had to reconcile his solemn oath to protect life with his overwhelming desire to survive. No conclusive scientific explanation was ever reached to explain the events that transpired upon this grim February night. It was speculated that Ramirez had been ingesting dimethyl sulfoxide, a dangerous solvent, which had reacted to create toxic fumes within her body. In our professional opinion, this is a cut-and-dry case of TOXIC ZOMBIE BLOOD. Close call. If this crisis hadn't been averted, there is a very good chance that we would all be dressing up as zombies this Halloween, and every other day, forever.

A Praise Science Primer in Surviving the Coming Post-Depression Apocalypse!

It is not only humans that will suffer in the coming hard times

Hey guys, I don't know if you've been reading any non-Science related news lately, but the economy is pretty much collapsing beneath us and all the politicians and economists and people with retirement funds are like totally shitting their pants because they have no idea what is going on or what is going to happen tomorrow/in a week/in a year. So basically, fellow Praisers of Science, what that means is that before we know it, we could be in the midst of a (hopefully zombie) apocalypse. What are you going to do to ensure your survival? Here are some helpful tips that might give you the Scientific advantage you need:

1) Get one of these:Combat-Survival Prius; 'nuff said.

2) Get as much guns and ammo as you can, because face it, we all know that God ain't coming to save you.

3) Get as many solar panels/wind turbines as you can, because face it, we all know that God ain't gonna keep that Counter Strike server running.

4) Use your 401k (psh like any of you have one), before Wall Street fat cats completely destroy the retirement funds of middle class America, to invest in a Svalbard Global Seed Vault to ensure that our ancestors will be able to re-create the bio-diversity of Earth after the Dark Ages that are sure to come.

5) Invest in a homebrew beer laboratory. This segment of chemistry is perhaps the most vital to humans, plus if you are able to become a post-apocalypse Beer Impresario, you will be the richest, sexiest, most powerful human in the inevitable doomscape of the coming future.

Ummmm... beer, video games, food.... what else is there really? Let us know in the comments if you have any other pertinent suggestions. Anyways, take these words to heart PS readers... we wish you luck, and maybe we'll see you at the 2020 Praise Science Post-Apocalypse Reader/Zombie Meetup Extravaganza!!!

Monkeys control robots!

As the old saying goes: Either monkeys or robots are going to take over the earth (either Planet of the Apes style or a Terminator situation). Now they are working together, our assured destruction is not far off. Sure they say there are great implications for allowing paraplegics to operate mechanical arms, enabling them to be more self sufficient, I just say be careful...


http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/29/science/29brain.html?hp

Update (5/30/08): Thanks to reader Elliot for sharing the link. I want to quote a piece from the Times article to clarify that this is actually a really cool advancement because the monkeys began to use the appendage as their own (not simply control a mouse cursor or mechanical arm, as they and humans had done before). The monkeys quickly adapted the new arm as their own, and making adjustments and fine tuning motions as they would their own arm. Really quite exciting for this field. Excerpt:

In previous studies, researchers showed that humans who had been paralyzed for years could learn to control a cursor on a computer screen with their brain waves and that nonhuman primates could use their thoughts to move a mechanical arm, a robotic hand or a robot on a treadmill.

The new experiment goes a step further. In it, the monkeys’ brains seem to have adopted the mechanical appendage as their own, refining its movement as it interacted with real objects in real time.

Are We Alone? Hopefully.

Expatriot reader Darren reports from Thailand that Nick Bostrom, the director of Oxford's Future of Humanity Institute (I now know where I'll go to grad school if I ever decide to go) hopes that we find no evidence of past or present extra-terrestrial life on Mars, or anywhere for that matter.

No, this guy is not a space-hater. In fact, he is a space-lover, and has high hopes for the future of human inter-galactic colonization. According to him, "the silence of the night sky is golden, and that in the search for extraterrestrial life, no news is good news". How so, you may ask? Because the lack of evidence of intelligent life, or any life for that matter, gives weight to the theory that humans are exceptional in the fact that we have overcome billions upon billions of potential evolutionary dead-ends, and have passed through the so-called "Great Filter", allowing us to take the next great step into the stars. The other option is that we have not yet encountered the Great Filter, and that it will take the much more exciting form of some sort of "existential risk", i.e.:

"a nuclear war fought with arms stockpiles much larger than today's (perhaps resulting from future arms races); a genetically engineered superbug; environmental disaster; an asteroid impact; wars or terrorist acts committed with powerful future weapons; super­intelligent general artificial intelligence with destructive goals; or high-energy physics experiments"

I'm placing my bets on the 'superintelligent general artificial intelligence with destructive goals' based upon the prevalence of sinister-robot-related news that has been showing up on PS lately.

Europe Messing Around With AI in Space; Someone Should Tell Them "Not Cool, Dude"

Hooray! Another space post! Someone needs to reign me in before this gets out of control.

Anyways, the European Space Agency is using artificial intelligence to assist its Mars Express orbiter as it searches for water and other stuff on Mars. Yes, you heard that right, ARTIFICIAL FUCKING INTELLIGENCE, as in Skynet or the Matrix or that crappy movie by Steven Spielberg. I'm very torn by this news, since I am equally as excited about exploring Mars as I am fucking horrified by the prospect of the inevitable robot apocalypse that this sort of behavior will surely bring about. And since time travel is now officially impossible, we can no longer count on a friendly Terminator coming back in time to protect us.

Please Science, don't let the Robopocalypse turn out like this!!!

Attention All Humans: Hurry to Space!!

Q: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? A: Because they never went to Mars.

Note: Since today is a slow day on the tubes (it happens), I'm posting one of my favorite Space-related articles that was included in my 'Space: part x' note series on Facebook.

A scientist, with the badass name of J. Richard Gott III, has predicted with 95% SCIENTIFIC ACCURACY that humanity has at least 5,100 years left to exist. Beyond that, all bets are off, unless we get to Mars within the next 46 years. Why is he so sure? I'm not telling. Read the article and find out. It's very interesting, and definitely worth your time to read if you are a Space-oriented individual like myself.

p.s. If NYT asks you to log in, just sign up. It's free, easy, and this article is rad.