Conclusion: We need an Internet Earth Day too, where idiots and mouth-breathers are BANNED FOREVER from not only the Internet, but their computers, and summarily given a courtesy card. Hopefully, this would this help reduce the amount of soul-destroying bullshit (streaming in mainly from wing-nut message boards and comment pages) that is clogging up the Tubes. It will also single-handedly solve the global climate/energy crisis by reducing global computer usage by 95% (read: 95% of the people using the Internet are retards/Internet polluters). All problems solved, forever. BAN HAMMER FTW.
Mr. Grab Bag has something special for everybody...
Hello Dear Readers. As you may well know, if you frequent this fine weblog, last year was full of tons of rad Science-related stuff, such as the awesomeness known as the Large Hadron Collider (and its subsequent suckage), the discovery of water on Mars, Robert Ballard being a total badass, and of course, the founding of the most influential Science-Enthusiast blog EVAR, PRAISE SCIENCE!!!!! But sadly, due to laziness and booze events beyond our control, many PS-worthy stories fell through the cracks and we couldn't get to them before the year came to an end. So, without further ado, I present to you a prime selection from the Island of Misfit 2008 Science Stories:
Kinetic Fireball Incendiary Weapons: Basically, some sort of bouncy-rubber-fireball-nightmare-projectile straight out of the mouth of some alien in a Doom/Quake/Contra video game. The Pentagon designed this horrifying, bouncy, burninating weapon to eliminate WMDs without the risk of ejecting harmful materials into the atmosphere by ricocheting around inside reinforced bunkers and incinerating everything nearby at a temperature of 1000 degrees F. Frankly, this sort of thing just scares my shit out.
Single Person Rocket Pods: A Danish company is working towards "developing a series of suborbital space vehicles - designed to pave the way for manned space flight on a micro size spacecraft." Here is what the entire crew cabin of said spacecraft looks like:
Hope you aren't claustrophobic. But seriously, manned space travel technology has been stagnating basically since it was first developed, and this sort of innovation is exactly what we need if we ever want to stop dicking around in Earth's orbit and get somewhere cool, like the Moon or Mars, again.
The KEO Time Capsule: I love it when people think about things on a larger timescale than just a human lifetime or subsequent generations. Science, technology, and knowledge are not bound by the time-constraints that we humans are used to thinking in. The KEO is a spacecraft/time capsule that will be launched in 2020/2011. It will carry a number of artifacts (hit the wiki link for a full list) representing our species and our various cultures as they currently are, including "the contemporary 'Library of Alexandria', an encyclopaedic compendium of current human knowledge". It will complete its long orbit and return to Earth in 50,000 years as a sort of combined introduction/epitaph from us to our descendants (or whoever may be in the neighborhood). Fucking Awesome.
Copernicus' Remains Found: If you know who Nicolaus Copernicus is, good. If not, here is a courtesy card and an explanation. He was the dude who figured out that the Earth orbited the Sun, not vice versa, and basically flipped the bird to all the authority figures of his era and a bunch of other assholes by doing so. His final resting place was a topic of speculation until scientists recently matched DNA from remains found in a Catholic cathedral in Poland to that found within hairs discovered inside manuscripts written by this Champion of Science. Additionally, reconstruction of the recovered skull closely matched portraits of Copernicus, painted when he was alive. I think he would have been stoked to know that such great Science was going to be used to figure out his final resting place. R.I.P. dude.
... and now for some videos
10 Dimensions Explained in 11 Minutes: Theoretical physics is undoubtedly awesome, but due to its theoretical nature, its pretty hard for plain old Science Enthusiasts like you and me to understand. Here is a sweet YouTube that describes the 10 dimensions crucial to String Theory in a relatively easy-to-understand way:
Earth PWNED in HD by an Asteroid: If you haven't seen this already, it's a must watch. Hit the link here, and be sure to click the "watch in HD" button. I recommend you that you kick back, turn up the volume, and crack a beer. Sic transit mundus.
... and finally, a post-modern minimalist art critique of Star Wars
ANYWAYS, welcome once again to a New Year of Science. Thanks for reading, and we love you. COMING SOON, a special "Ask Praise Science!" feature, featuring a question from the ever inquisitive Stu H.!
Hello bloggers. If someone mentions the word tryptophan today as being the chemical in turkey that makes you sleepy. give them a courtesy card. L-tryptophan is indeed a precursor to serotonin, which is a regulatory neurotransmitter that may cause drowsiness. EXCEPT, there's way more tryptophan in eggs and soybeans among other foods. Get real turkey! So this thanksgiving, correct your family members with a scoff on me.
I awoke this morning from beautiful dreams of ligand-gated ion channels and protein synthesis and crawled over two nude females to grab my iPod touch to check my email. Here's what I found:
"Dear Brainpiece,
Here are the links to tune in and watch streaming video of the Innovation 2008 conference this Monday and Tuesday:
The link for Monday is: https://umconnect.umn.edu/innovation2008m/
The link for Tuesday is: https://umconnect.umn.edu/innovation2008t/
You can also chat as part of this feature. We only have 200 online seats reserved, so if busy, try again shortly."
Nobody better better check these links because I want to watch this shit, and there's no way that the meager 200 online seats won't be taken up immediately. I find it reassuring to know that science politics does its part in edifying the ivory tower. For all you concerned plebes out there, however, I'd give you a courtesy card, and say, "There there, you probably wouldn't understand what a group of scientists has tried to make mainstream for the past 20 months anyway," but its clear that even courtesy cards are really too good for you. Go read a book.
Natch.
