Friday, June 26, 2009

A Gentlemans' Wager Part II: The Plot Thickens

European scientists have detected salt particles within giant geysers blasting from Saturn's moon Enceladus. This could be evidence of a subterranean ocean beneath the moon's crust, and could satisfy one of the three "secret ingredients" of life, liquid water. Previous studies have shown that Enceladus already had the two other ingredients, an energy source (tidal warming), and organic chemicals.

Do Saturnian micro-lifeforms exist? Will they start a Twitter account? Will Peter buy Kyle an expensive dinner and spend the rest of his life in enduring shame? THE SUSPENSE!!!!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Evolution Hot

Evolution is fast when it's warm.
DNA mutations more likely, transform.
Abundance of tropical species swarm
Explained in verse form.
Praise Science don't misinform.

Neither does BBC...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Unit FAIL!

On the Moon, NASA, we use the metric system.

Hey, guess what? NASA is being criticized for its decision to continue using imperial units as its standard system of measurement. O RLY? I can't imagine why. Maybe it's because pretty much every other important scientific agency/company/evil madman's laboratory in the world uses the METRIC SYSTEM.

One of the major issues NASA raises when confronted with this decision is the cost that it would take to convert decades worth of software and systems to a metric format. Is it really that hard to convert feet to meters? OKAY OKAY I guess that is kind of a good point. So, hey government, give NASA more money and we will no longer be the laughing stock of the global scientific community! Also, the Constellation Program, NASA's planned replacement for the doomed Space Shuttle, is being built on top on 30 years worth of imperial-based Shuttle technology and dimensions. Wait, so the replacement for the outdated Shuttle is being designed using outdated Shuttle technology? UGHHH! NASA, try harder!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Spaceport America Groundbreaking Begins and Construction to Be Completed... Never

Artists Conception: Reality Promised to Be a Lot Less Shiny

Spaceport America in the deserts of New Mexico has just begun its groundbreaking ceremony and construction will begin tomorrow. Lets hope that it takes a cue from the lovely airport hubs of our nation and constantly insists on "upgrading" roads and terminals resulting in never ending construction zones, abominable aesthetics, mind-numbingly stupid architectural layouts, and ceaseless jack hammer sounds.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

A Gentlemans' Wager

There can be only one.

bulltrout: I bet you that within 10 years (2019, June 13) there will be no sign of organic life discovered by humans, within a 5 light year radius of our solar system.
Guster: I accept your bet and state that by June 13th, 2019 there will be promising and verifiable signs of organic life within a 5 light year radius of our solar system.

Stakes: A Fine Dining Experience will be procured from the loser of this wager by the winner of this wager.

Additionally the winner of this wager will gain ultimate shit talking mastery over the loser for all eternity.

(Ed note: Any and all contributors/readers of Praise Science may place side wagers on this, the penultimate* of all planetary astro-biology wagers.)

So it shall be written.
So it shall be done.

*(Let us not forget the Great Sagan/Hawking wager of '84)

Friday, June 12, 2009

Palin's Hometown Acquires Giant Battlemech Superiority, No Wolf or Clear Minded Individual is Safe!

Giant battlemechs have been the dream of both Japanimation freaks and cooky DARPA engineers for decades. Now the dream has become a reality. But to the horror of both these esteemed groups and the rest of the civilized world the dream has been realized by an army mechanic working out of his garage in Wasilla, Alaska. This could mean that an army of buffont sporting mega robots could descend from the North to liberate the Joe-sixpacks and hockey moms (really? americans still play hockey?) that the rest of us have kept in submission for half a century. My advice, outfit your various motorcycles, dirt bikes, mopeds, motorized razor scooters, and segways with tow cables to disable the monolithic beasts, because if these Wasillians are smart they will surely make their armor to strong for blasters.

NIF may be SOL

For those who have not been following the ins and outs of fusion related technologies a behemoth of precision technology is about to go online. The National Ignition Facility is set to fire its 192 precision lasers through thousands of focusing crystals, that may or may not have come from stolen lightsabers. and amplifiers. Though it could take another year (much like a big circular tube in Switzerland I seem to remember going online a while back) to actually achieve fusion capable energies. With a price tag of $3.5 billion it makes you wonder why the department of energy didn't just hire Doc Oc to complete the task in a beat up riverside warehouse, aside from the fact that he is brutally insane. Along with the worlds largest lasers the NIF boasts one of the worlds largest vacuum systems (eat your heart out Martha Stewart) to battle against the arch enemy of optics systems, dust. If successful this system could create a miniscule star in its target chamber as the lasers heat a tiny pellet of hydrogen fuel to 100 million degrees fahrenheit at which point it may either collapse and produce fusion energy or end all time and space as we know it (or maybe just fizzle and pop). Lets hope that these scientists are not destroyed by government types resembling Morgan Freeman from Chain Reaction or that they are not actually building a giant battlestation with the power to destroy an entire planet.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

All Your Dreams Are Coming True!

Hooray! Our brand new sister-site has finally launched! PRAISE SPANDEX!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

More "Xanadu: The Musical," thanks to the miracles of science

Obviously, the world needs more spandex. Sure, it's synthetic, so it would seem we could just make more if we need it (like printing money!) and also, it's sort of a niche market fabric, mainly produced for Olympic athletes and rave kids (hey, the same markets that drugs are made for!) so I don't blame you for thinking that I am wrong, and that, in fact the world does NOT need more spandex. But science proves me right!

Such as, you know, scientists in my back yard of San Diego, who have apparently genetically engineered e.coli bacteria to excrete the key ingredient in spandex. That's right, if you think spandex looks like shit, you are right! Literally! So anyway, e.coli shit is actually a pretty cool thing, because it reduces the amount of fossil fuels used to manufacture the ingredient 1,4-butanediol. And as I'm sure you know, 1,4-butanediol (BDO) is used to make car parts, pharmaceuticals, and other things that people can buy. Like drugs! FOR THEIR SPANDEX INVOLVING LIFESTYLES!

Praise science, indeed.