Friday, October 31, 2008

Don't Fear the Reaper

Godzilla does not fear the reaper. You should not either.

Okay, so Halloween may not be the most Scientific of holidays (are any holidays that Scientific, really?), but we still love it. We hope all of you people have some wicked fun plans and costumes. I can personally assure you that at least one PS editor is going to be blacking the fuck out experimenting with time travel this evening.

In the meantime, here is a scary Halloween tale of how the zombie apocalypse was narrowly averted (postponed?) once upon a time in 1994. It goes something like this: A barely alive Gloria Ramirez shambles into an emergency room in Riverside, CA with an extremely low heart rate and advanced breakdown of numerous internal systems. Nurses and doctors on the scene report strange smells emanating from Ramirez' body as well as a strange oily sheen upon her skin. Upon drawing blood, a nurse sees strange particles floating in the syringe, takes a smell, and faints. No one is quite sure what happened after this, other than the fact that multiple others lost consciousness and the ER was evacuated and sealed. 45 minutes later, Ramirez was reported dead from kidney failure related to cervical cancer, but its more likely that she succumbed after taking a shotgun blast to the face or being decapitated by an axe at the hands of a courageous-doctor-turned-zombie-slayer who first had to reconcile his solemn oath to protect life with his overwhelming desire to survive. No conclusive scientific explanation was ever reached to explain the events that transpired upon this grim February night. It was speculated that Ramirez had been ingesting dimethyl sulfoxide, a dangerous solvent, which had reacted to create toxic fumes within her body. In our professional opinion, this is a cut-and-dry case of TOXIC ZOMBIE BLOOD. Close call. If this crisis hadn't been averted, there is a very good chance that we would all be dressing up as zombies this Halloween, and every other day, forever.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Birthdays in Technology: Sega Genesis, or A Children's Treasury of Sonic the Hedgehog Cakes

Dudes, today the Sega Genesis turns 20 years old! This is news to me, I always thought it came out in the early 90s. Anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEGA! Now here are some Sonic the Hedgehog cakes for you to look at:

(not Sonic, I know, but FUCK, I wish someone made this for me when i was a kid)

Monday, October 27, 2008

Internets R Gr8.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Tape Mother*%@*ers

Scotch tape once again proves its supremacy over all other tapes. Not only can it hold my jackets together, but it can also produce enough x-ray energy to melt yours eyes inside your skull. I envision wild military applications for this new discovery. "Thats no moon, its a huge fucking roll of tape!"

Thursday, October 23, 2008

BRAIN BALL (*not as serious as it sounds)

Primary contender for the World Heavyweight Brain Ball Championship Title

If I know anything about our readership, it's that A) they are amongst the greatest scientific minds of the past 300 years, and, perhaps even more importantly, B) they can all sling a wicked game of beer pong. Bearing that in mind, I would like to introduce to you the magnificent sport know as Brain Ball!

Unlike Beer Pong, which is a game based mostly upon skill, instinct, bravado, and alcohol tolerance, Brain Ball delves deeper and looks instead towards the subconscious. Two players face off against each wired to the teeth with electrodes! Whereas pong players rely on bounces, double shots, and Bat Strength, Brain Ball players must instead clear their minds and focus upon the void; the player whose brainwaves are calmer sends the ball towards their opponent's end of the table and thereby to victory!

Good thing that the caliber of Pong player that reads this blog is capable of drinking themselves into a flat-scan brain pattern on any given night!!! I wonder what would happen in a game of Brain Ball if both players were so drunk that both had the brain patterns of coma patients? HAHAHA JUST KIDDING how was any game of Beer Pong that occurred at the Blue Railing after 10 PM ever any different than this description? Anyways, Brain Ball sounds pretty bitchin'. But it also sounds a lot more expensive than three 30 packs and a plywood Pong table...

gChat Fun: Where Does the Time Go?

me: i've been slacking on my p.s.
october might be the slowest month ever, in that respect!

me: actually, i won't allow that to happen
i'll try to post something tonight

Elliot: man, It's gone by so fast

fuck i know

probably number of posts on p.s. is inversely related to perceptual speed of the month.

Elliot's Law of Inverse Temporal Blogging

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Science Conference is Not Democratic, or We Are So Smart S-M-R-T

I awoke this morning from beautiful dreams of ligand-gated ion channels and protein synthesis and crawled over two nude females to grab my iPod touch to check my email. Here's what I found:

"Dear Brainpiece,

Here are the links to tune in and watch streaming video of the Innovation 2008 conference this Monday and Tuesday:

The link for Monday is:

The link for Tuesday is:

You can also chat as part of this feature. We only have 200 online seats reserved, so if busy, try again shortly."

Nobody better better check these links because I want to watch this shit, and there's no way that the meager 200 online seats won't be taken up immediately. I find it reassuring to know that science politics does its part in edifying the ivory tower. For all you concerned plebes out there, however, I'd give you a courtesy card, and say, "There there, you probably wouldn't understand what a group of scientists has tried to make mainstream for the past 20 months anyway," but its clear that even courtesy cards are really too good for you. Go read a book.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Australian oceans teeming with molluscs, seamounts

Our alligator-wrestling, vegemite-eating scientist comrades in Australia announced the discovery of 274 new species of sea creatures and 80 new seamounts, or undersea mountains, in waters off the coast of Australia.

"The richness of mollusc fauna found – such as snails, squid and octopus-type creatures – has been described by marine scientists as ‘astounding’ and requiring a complete rewrite of textbooks for this type of fauna."
Re-enactment of "A possible new species of Plesionika shrimp" being discovered

More pics and complete story

Monday, October 6, 2008

In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Puke

Don't... touch me... I'm not... spinning...

There's a reason most of my posts are about Space: because it's fucking awesome. So imagine if you were in Space, on the ISS, or some sort of other equally dilapidated Chinese camper-trailer that they managed to get up there with a bunch of fireworks - what would make it more awesome? This Russian cosmonaut with a badass name - Salizhan Sharipov - has already answered this question for you! After 4 years of contemplation aboard the ISS (lol wut? they let people stay up there for 4 years?) he has come to an ingenious conclusion and has publicly stated that astronauts need booze in space in order to "improve our work, to better cope with the psychological stress". HAHAHA Yeah right dude, nice try, that's what I told the RD of my dorm freshman year. If you want to party in space, just come right out and say it, we were all thinking the same thing anyways. And for the record, Praise Science lends the full weight of its reknowned reputation and expert opinion in favor of this cause.