BRAIN BALL (*not as serious as it sounds)

Primary contender for the World Heavyweight Brain Ball Championship Title

If I know anything about our readership, it's that A) they are amongst the greatest scientific minds of the past 300 years, and, perhaps even more importantly, B) they can all sling a wicked game of beer pong. Bearing that in mind, I would like to introduce to you the magnificent sport know as Brain Ball!

Unlike Beer Pong, which is a game based mostly upon skill, instinct, bravado, and alcohol tolerance, Brain Ball delves deeper and looks instead towards the subconscious. Two players face off against each wired to the teeth with electrodes! Whereas pong players rely on bounces, double shots, and Bat Strength, Brain Ball players must instead clear their minds and focus upon the void; the player whose brainwaves are calmer sends the ball towards their opponent's end of the table and thereby to victory!

Good thing that the caliber of Pong player that reads this blog is capable of drinking themselves into a flat-scan brain pattern on any given night!!! I wonder what would happen in a game of Brain Ball if both players were so drunk that both had the brain patterns of coma patients? HAHAHA JUST KIDDING how was any game of Beer Pong that occurred at the Blue Railing after 10 PM ever any different than this description? Anyways, Brain Ball sounds pretty bitchin'. But it also sounds a lot more expensive than three 30 packs and a plywood Pong table...

In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Puke

Don't... touch me... I'm not... spinning...

There's a reason most of my posts are about Space: because it's fucking awesome. So imagine if you were in Space, on the ISS, or some sort of other equally dilapidated Chinese camper-trailer that they managed to get up there with a bunch of fireworks - what would make it more awesome? This Russian cosmonaut with a badass name - Salizhan Sharipov - has already answered this question for you! After 4 years of contemplation aboard the ISS (lol wut? they let people stay up there for 4 years?) he has come to an ingenious conclusion and has publicly stated that astronauts need booze in space in order to "improve our work, to better cope with the psychological stress". HAHAHA Yeah right dude, nice try, that's what I told the RD of my dorm freshman year. If you want to party in space, just come right out and say it, we were all thinking the same thing anyways. And for the record, Praise Science lends the full weight of its reknowned reputation and expert opinion in favor of this cause.