NASA to Moon: GO DIE

Tonight is the Moon's last night on Earth

NASA must have gotten a new PR team or something, because after months (years? decades?) of being boring they just announced something awesome out of the blue: NASA is going to bomb the moon. Yes, they are going to fucking BOMB Earth's moon, The Moon. NASA, I just can't quit you. You may have been dropping the ball pretty hard lately, but then you go and win back my heart by exploding the shit out of something in space.

Anyways, in all seriousness, NASA is going to crash an explosive probe into the the Moon's southern polar region in an attempt to uncover frozen ice that may exist within craters that never are exposed to sunlight. If you want to watch it (and see this post in time, you probably won't because Praise Science has been greatly lacking lately and you have no reason to check it on a daily basis) Gizmodo has some good tips.

NASA says people with 10 inch (or bigger) telescopes will be able to view this happen in real time. How auspicious and timely! I recently have acquired a telescope in a game of chance. It's only a 5" telescope I think, but fuck 'em, I'm going to try to see it anyway, and then report loyally back to this blog. This is supposed to go down at 4:31 AM PST (what time is that on the Moon?????????). I don't know if it is even possible to get up that early, but I've heard about people doing it before, so I am going to try. I'll let you know how it goes.

Pirates Are Suddenly News Again to People That Aren't 10 Years Old

Artist's rendition of pirate life in Somalia

Piracy is a fad that is generally considered to have gone out of style in the late 1700s and early 1800s when those that were being pirated got wise and co-opted the strategies of pirates into something that has become known as Capitalist-Democracy.

If you happen to frequent web pages such as www.newyorktimes.com or www.bbc.com or www.cnn.com or even crap like www.drudgereport.com you are more than likely aware that recently it has become trendy to lose 80 pounds and buy a zodiac boat and reenact the popular series of modern pirate documentary movies produced by America's #1 racist/fascist movie studio. Normally we wouldn't talk about crap like this on PS, but it falls into two relevant categories: the on-going Pirate vs. Ninja vs. Robot struggle (Robots FTW, duh, watch Terminator 2), as well as something that Robert Ballard might get his hands into. Anyways, you are probably being lied to about what is really going regarding this latter-day spate of Piracy. Read this to learn more.

In other pirate related news, four individuals linked to the very influential Bittorrent hosting site (aka Internet file sharing) The Pirate Bay (the site is still online. The URL is www.thepiratebay.org. You should go to it, and just, like, go crazy) have been sentenced to a year in prison in addition to significant fines. This is IRONIC because, like, Vikings from Sweden and Norway were the O.G. pirates, back in the day. This is the latest lame strategy launched by major recording studios and media companies in an attempt to remain relevant. All four of them plan to appeal, and since the trial is taking place in Sweden, they will probably be acquitted. We certainly hope that is what happens.

The Badassery of Dr. Robert Ballard Continues!

I'm Dr. Robert Ballard, and I say Chuck Norris is a Pussy. Yes, you can tell him I said so.

After taking a break from winning the Cold War and finding various lost undersea wrecks in his spare time, Dr. Robert Ballard has decided to continue making the oceans of the world his bitch! In the latest chapter of the Encyclopedia Badassica (aka Ballard's biography), he has been enlisted to locate the sunken sarcophagus of the mighty Egyptian Pharaoh Menkaure. The sarcophagus was lost over 170 years ago, when the ship bearing it from Egypt to England sunk off the coast of Spain. There is more adventure and daring in these past couple of sentences than in the entire new Indiana Jones movie. Hello, Hollywood? Why haven't you made a movie about the life and times of Dr. Robert Ballard yet?

This Just In: Robert Ballard Even More of a Badass Than Previously Thought

I find sunken ships for a living. What do you do?

For those of you who don't know, Dr. Robert Ballard is an oceanographer, underwater archaeologist, and general badass. He is famous for being the dude who discovered various sunken ships such as the Titantic, the Bismarck, JFK's PT-109, and others. He also used to train dolphins and whales for fun.

Recently, Ballard revealed that while searching for the Titantic, he was actually secretly working for the Navy in an attempt to locate the wreckage of sunken Cold War nuclear submarines. After he found the remains of the USS Thresher and USS Scorpion, he then proceeded to make the North Atlantic his bitch and find the Titantic in 12 days. No big deal.