Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The thing about science is, it's useful for knowing things and proving things and stuff like that. Facts. Science is full of 'em. BUT RANDOMLY SAYING THINGS DOESN'T MAKE IT SCIENCE. Even if you use a fancy bar graph.

You know the one about the crazy old cat lady? Like if you don't do what girls are supposed to do and get married and have a bunch of babies, you'll end up with a bunch of cats with elaborate names, smelling like cat piss and eating microwaved dinners and watching like, Matlock?

Fast Cities came up with a hypothesis, which was something like "the cat friendliest US cities will also be the places where cat ladies dwell." They test it by comparing some data from the US Census and some other wierd ranking of "Cat Friendliest Cities" made by the "CATalyst Council." They are able to reach this scientific conclusion: "Not even close!" How do they reach this conclusion? Because more single men than single women live in these "cat friendliest" cities.

And they include a graph:





So, that means literally nothing. It is like saying sometimes it rains and also I like hamburgers. There are so many variables in this. How many cats do these single men own? How many cats do the single ladies own? Has anyone put a ring on it? Are these men moving to Tampa because they hear they treat cats real nice there? Are they in pursuit of crazy cat ladies, thus throwing off the data? Could we possibly get a psychologist in on this team of geniuses, to determine the level of crazy?

Biotech Company Announces it Has Successfully Cloned Pets

Just like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his seminal film, The Sixth Day, you too now must face the difficult moral and ethical question of whether or not to clone your pets after they pass from this mortal coil. That's right. A company called BioArts International has just announced that they have 5 pet cloning slots available to the highest bidder, with bids starting at $100,000. This announcement is the culmination of over 10 years of research during which the company attempted to clone a well-loved dog named Missy. So far, they have produced three healthy clones of Missy. Below is a video of these three cute clones and a man who is trying maybe a little to hard to replace something he lost:



Although I'm sure this sounds tempting to anyone who has ever lost a loved pet, all I can think of is the old man's warning from Pet Sematary (or South Park).

The Vatican Wants to Believe

He space-died for your space-sins.

Reader Tyanne has alerted us to breaking news from the Vatican: IT'S OK TO BELIEVE IN ALIENS!!!! All God-fearing types no longer have to feel ashamed of their secret UFO obsessions and/or abduction stories, because all extraterrestrial life is now included as part of God's Creation. I wonder if that means there are alien Christians? Does each alien Christian planet have an alien Jesus? If I ever get solicited by alien planet-to-planet missionaries wearing white shirts and ties, I still won't be interested.