It's 8:31 AM PST and the World Hasn't Collapsed Into a Mini-Black hole... Yet...

In the event of Scientific disaster, don't forget to bring your crowbar.

6 hours and 54 minutes ago, Scientists at CERN near Geneva flipped the power on for the Large Hadron Collider, which we previously identified as the most metal (the music, not the substance, although there is probably a lot of that in it too) Science experiment EVAR, and so far so good. Some stupid people were predicting that by messing around with elementary particles and shooting them at each other faster than we ever had before, we were going to generate mini-black holes or some such, which would grow and end up destroying Earth. Other REAL Scientists have explained multiple times in multiple ways why this isn't going to happen. Although we are glad to hear that we aren't going to die in a black hole any time soon, we are secretly a little bummed that we aren't going to die in a black hole any time soon. So to make up for it, we've thought up some other 'likely' doomsday situations that may arise from the activation of the LHC:

• Due to an unfortunate workplace accident, a scientist is knocked into the particle beam and is imbued with some sort of awesome super power. He will use his powers to bring about a New World Order ruled by the Iron Fist of Science (this one actually doesn't sound too bad).
• The LHC will cause a resonance cascade which will tear space-time, allowing aliens from an alternate plane of reality bent on inter-dimensional domination to enter our world. Survivors, armed only with crowbars, will spend the rest of their lives battling head-crabs and will develop a religion that worships a man named Gordon Freeman.
• The LHC will fail to achieve any of its Scientific goals, leading to worldwide cuts in Science funding. Scientists, no longer able to support themselves, will quickly die off, and all technical and scientific knowledge gained in the last 100 years will be lost. John McCain will win the election and die of a heart attack or stroke or something as soon as he takes office because he is old and Sarah Palin will become the President. The redneck/snowbilly sensibilities of her native Alaska will fill the void left by Science sparking a chain reaction of unfortunate but predictable events that will ultimately lead to the extinction of the human race in 50 years.