Chrysler Fulfills My Wildest Fantasy, Ensures Future Draconian Anti-Internet-While-Driving Legislation

Not even wireless Internet will make your Chrysler cool.

In an attempt to make up for their recent history of dismal financial returns and propensity for manufacturing undesirable cars, Chrysler has announced that it will offer a wireless internet option for all of its 2009 models. To all you bastard legislators who think I am too uncoordinated to talk on my cell phone while driving, I say SUCK IT! Too bad none of your dumb laws say anything about streaming porn diligently updating this blog and doing other Tube-related activities while driving!!!

But seriously, who does Chrysler think they are kidding? I probably still wouldn't buy one even if drivers seat doubled as a toilet and the trunk was full of gold bullion.